Coward's Way Out
by Haruka's Knight
Summary: Alternate Universe. Warning, death. Read at your own risk. Two shot, rated M for a reason. Thank you to those who have reviewed this for the suport. Complete.
1. Coward's Way Out

Coward's Way Out 

**By Haruka's Knight**

Yoshi Ten'ou died quietly in his sleep at the age of sixty. He left behind three adult children, a mother, two sisters and a brother. He fought against the cancer for eight months, but eventually there was just no strength left with which to fight.

Haruka Ten'ou, his youngest child at 21 years old, sat in the darkness of the living room, hunched over on the couch. She'd gone to the hospital that day, her friend Fred was crying when they entered the room. From that second Haruka knew she couldn't let her emotions down before any of them, she didn't need to show weakness and make it worse for anyone. 18 year-old Fred practically fell into a chair as he cried silent tears for the old man, the man who'd been like a father to him.

That day Haruka had gone with her older sister, to sit at their mother's grave. The two were mostly quiet, both knowing things had to be taken care of and that both wished they didn't. Her sister felt most worried for Haruka, as Haruka was alone. Her sister was married, her brother had a girl friend and both had a place of peace waiting at home. But Haruka had only a couch to return to, and a grandmother who believed Haruka hated her.

Her sister had driven her along the freeway, deciding that she needed at least needed her best friend. And so after the second day pretending to be okay, the second day of making morbid jokes to hide her feelings, Haruka sat in the darkened living room. Michiru had gone off to change so she could sleep but all Haruka could do was sit with her head in her hands. All the times she had gone to her father for advice, or to talk about work, all the jokes he'd told her flashing through her mind. The memories of being ten and knowing her mother would never come home, and now neither would her father.

Haruka's exterior cracked and she began to cry, silent tears running down her face as her back shook. She couldn't let this go in the light, couldn't let her pain effect her older siblings or the rest of the family, but in the darkness it was too much. As she was sitting there, trying hard to stop the tears, she felt a light hand on her back. Soon Michiru's voice came with reassuring words that she couldn't understand, she only knew that at least one person was trying to be strong for her instead of the other way around.

But as months passed after Michiru had gone home, Haruka felt it all building. The Ten'ous tried to erase all trace of her father as quickly as possible, tried to force her to think like them or to leave. And one morning she could no longer take it. No longer take the arguments, lies and back stabbing. No longer take the conceited and un-caring actions of this greedy family. Could not take it when they began to get rid of what little she had left of her mother's.

Haruka went to her grandmother, trying to talk sense into the old woman only to be ignored or cursed at. Her grandmother had hated her since her father died, turned her back on her completely when she found out Haruka was bi-sexual. She couldn't handle it anymore; it was too much from even the old woman who'd help raise her.

Haruka walked back to her room, swiftly opening a lock box she kept next to her bed. After glancing over the contents she grabbed one of the several knives. It was brand new, a butterfly knife given to her by a close friend. She walked back into the living room, flipping the butterfly open with unconscious ease.

"Will this make it easier on you? Will you feel better if I am gone?" She asked the woman she'd always felt loyal to, pressing stainless steal to her own arm with bruising force. As those eyes looked back at her with out caring she asked one other thing. "Or should go out side so that I don't stain your carpet?"

"That's the coward's way out, Haruka." Her grandmother said with out an ounce of care or compassion. "You're not a coward so stop pretending."

"I've no reason left to fight, why shouldn't I give in?" Haruka asked, wishing that her grandmother would show a hint of the woman she once was.

"You've got those friends of yours." This was said off handedly as the woman read her newspaper. "Like that Michiru."

"They don't replace family." Haruka said harshly as the blade pressed further into her skin, finally drawing blood. As she pulled the slightly too dull blade downward her grandmother didn't look up at her. "And I can't do this anymore."

Minutes later, at the sound of a loud thump her grandmother looked over toward the younger woman. The old woman was truly shocked to see that Haruka was crumbled on the floor on a large red spot on the carpet. Haruka was being engulfed by the darkness; her vision swimming as she vaguely heard the older woman speaking to someone on the phone.

"Besides." Haruka whispered weakly to herself, fighting to stay conscious a second longer. "What use is it to fall in love with your best friend, when they don't love you the same way? Sorry, Michi."

An hour latter the ER was busy but still one patient stood out that afternoon. A 21 year-old woman was on a bed in one room, her life signs weak and fading. Doctors had told those waiting, a sibling and a few friends, that she would not make it through the night, that she may not even make it through the next few hours. The blood loss before she fell to the ground was too much, and she'd lost even more before the ambulance arrived to rush her to the ER.

Three people stood in the room as the monitor beeped in the background, watching life drain out of the once so strong young woman. Her sister held a sad look, even as Fred followed her out of the room, neither could stand to watch her die. Setsuna, her long green hair in a messy bun, glared at the motionless body. She did not want her friend to die, but neither did she blame the woman for what had happened. Still, she felt angry with Haruka even as shouts were heard from the main room in the ER. Another woman ran through the door, aqua hair in a disarray as she stopped next to Setsuna.

"Why?" She asked, and Setsuna wasn't sure whom she was talking to.

"The neighbors said they heard an argument not long before she did this. They found her in the living room and her grandmother claims not to know why." Setsuna informed her. She looked down at Michiru, normally the young woman could hide all emotions but her eyes were beginning to crack today.

"She's lying." Michiru said bluntly, her companion only nodded and both knew it was true. Michiru walked over to the bed, gently sitting on the side as Setsuna walked out, closing the door behind her. She knew the other stood just behind that door, guarding them from the rest of the room so she could say what she needed. Her first words came out in a breath as she carefully took one cold hand. "My god, Haruka."

"I swear I'd never speak to you again if you'd just open those damn teal eyes." She growled half-heartedly. She kept looking at the older woman before her, nothing in her nineteen years having prepared her to see a best friend die this way. She glared a bit playfully, though the other couldn't see it. "If you loved me so damn much, why are you dieing like this?"

"Because I'm tired." A weak voice responded, and Michiru jumped. Her hand tightened around her friend's a bit when she noticed the tiny slits of teal looking at her. Soon they closed again, seeming not to have the strength to stay even slightly open. "Gomen."

"Haruka, don't do this." Michiru spoke quietly to her friend, holding that cold hand in both of her own. "Hang on and fight, please. You aren't this weak."

"I don't." Haruka paused, weakening even more and leaving Michiru very worried. "Don't want to anymore. Want peace."

"Please Haruka, don't leave me here. We are supposed to be best friends and we were going to both get away from our families, leave all this stupid drama." Michiru pled with her friend, reminding the other of the plans to move out along with Setsuna. She raised one hand to stroke a pale cheek. "Please don't leave with out us."

"Gomen." Haruka managed weakly as her breathing slowed. She took a last deep breath, managing to force her eyes open and look into the deep blue of her friends. "I love you, sorry." She said, eyes falling closed and her breath slowing and weakening more.

"Damn you." Michiru muttered, smart enough to know these were her friend's last moments. On impulse she leaned forward and gently kissed Haruka's lips. It was light and short but the blonde was smiling weakly as she drew her last breath. The monitor started to flat line and Setsuna appeared again in the doorway.

Doctors and nurses rushed into the room, Setsuna pulling a now crying Michiru out as they worked to revive the blonde. Setsuna shook her head sadly, saying a silent good-bye to her old friend and knowing the doctors would not revive her. She led Michiru to the waiting room, hugging the shorter girl consolingly. As they entered Fred and Haruka's sister looked up, a hospital coffee dropping to the floor as they entered and splattering across the floor.

Haruka Ten'ou was cremated, her ashes placed in an urn modeled to look like an eagle before they were put to rest beside her father's. A brass plaque bore the names of both Yoshi and his 21 year-old daughter even years latter when two women and a little girl came to see it. A young man stood behind them, his black clothes neat but his tie pulled loose. The youngest of the four, a little girl with black hair, held tightly to Setsuna's hand as she watched her mother stare at the second name.

"Aunt Setsuna, whose name is that?" She asked, wondering why her always-calm mother seemed to look so hurt today.

"This is where they put your aunt Haruka to rest, Hotaru." Setsuna smiled gently at the little girl. She picked her up and let her touch the letters of the brass name. "She passed away just about a year before your mom adopted you."

"Is that the one in the picture mommy always has by her bed?" Hotaru asked innocently. Michiru choked back the sob that tried to escape even now, nodding quietly as Setsuna hugged the little girl.

"She was very special, even though she had a hard time seeing that." Michiru spoke quietly, Fred stepping up behind her and putting an arm around her shoulders.

"Wow sis, you really had a way to make girls cry." He muttered to the name as he looked over the upper one as well. "Hope your taking good care of dad."

"Why don't we take Hotaru to the car Fred?" Setsuna suggested. The young man nodded and took the nine year old into his arms. All three left Michiru to make her peace.

"I haven't been here since they sealed you in, Ten'ou Haruka." Michiru began to speak, her voice sounding as if she were scolding Hotaru for eating cookies before dinner. "And do you know why? Because I was mad at you."

"I was so mad at you for leaving me behind like that." Michiru sighed, the rational part of her mind telling her talking to the wall wasn't healthy. "You never saw it did you? God Haruka, I wasn't the same as you. I didn't have time to be in love, so I didn't let myself. Even when I started to think I always told myself 'after I finish my degree'. There should have been time, we weren't very old."

"Damn it Haruka, you didn't even stick around for me to let myself fall in love with you!" She almost shouted at the empty chamber. Taking a deep breath she calmed a bit. "You always had to run, you were never fond of the waiting. Pressure would build up and you would want to either know where it was going, or strike out and find a way out. Why couldn't you just wait? Setsuna and I moved out three months after your death."

"I wish you'd waited." Michiru spoke quietly. Her fingers brushed the name and she let out a deep sigh. "You wait for me on the other side, Haruka, or I swear I'll never forgive you."

With that Michiru walked out into the sunset. Setsuna and Fred stood beside a dark colored van, helping Hotaru to buckle her seatbelt and waiting for their friend. Michiru smiled at the concerned looks they shot her, waving them away as she climbed into the passenger seat and Setsuna got in the driver's seat. Once all were seated Michiru looked back at her daughter, who was flipping happily through something in Fred's wallet.

"When this one from?" The girl asked the man beside her, pointing at something.

"That was when your mom, Haruka and I went to see her father in the hospital." He explained. After that Michiru looked back out the window. She could almost see the small smile Haruka wore in that photo, and the number of poles the blonde tried to punch before the picture was taken.

'I hope you can stand to sit still for a while, Haruka.'

**Author's Note:**

Before anyone gets mad that I killed off Haruka let me say there is a long story behind this whole work. Parts of it, sadly, are a parody of my day today. The main difference starts with the knife; in real life the "Michi" I know answered a phone call and calmed me down, and the morbid romance stuff was non-existent. Sorry, this whole thing was written to get it all out of my mind. The end I know wasn't happy, but I felt the need to do something not happy tonight.

I couldn't type on either "A World Apart" or "Truly Madly Deeply" since I knew my feelings would have colored what I wrote.

Thank you for reading.


	2. Aftermath

**Disclaimer:** Michael, Susan and Fred own themselves. Setsuna, Michiru and Haruka are copy righted to the creator of Sailor Moon. _The only thing I own is the poem, which I wrote. If anyone would like to use it in some way, please ask me. Its title is "My Trip To Hell".  
_

**Aftermath:**

**A few months after Michiru visited Haruka's resting place:**

It was a bright Saturday morning and Michiru had the day off. The young, aqua haired woman stared intently at her computer monitor, wishing for little more than to pick up her violin instead of reading over these reports. Hotaru, Setsuna and Fred had gone on a two-week trip to Disney world and Michiru was using the time to catch up on back paperwork. She was just taking a sip of her green tea when the doorbell chimed.

"Hello, Mr. Ten'ou." Michiru was surprised when she reached and opened the door. She waved the older man in and tired to smile. Sadly, though he was Haruka's brother, Michiru lost respect for him longer before Haruka's death. "What brings you here?"

"Can we sit and speak, this might warrant a bit of a long explanation." Michael Ten'ou looked seriously at his sister's friend. She nodded and led him to the kitchen. She set a bottled green tea before him and took a seat across from him. Their age cap seemed much larger than the actual seven years that separated them.

"Please, explain."

"It all started just after Haruka's suicide." Michael began.

Flash back: Night of Haruka's Death 

Michael Ten'ou was late getting to the hospital, having first had to find someone to cover his radiology machine in than a way to cross the miles between the two cities. It took so long that when he burst through the doors of the Emergency Entrance he saw Setsuna trying to comfort Michiru. Not long after he noticed Fred, silent tears running down the young man's face, and Susan who seemed to stare at nothing. He walked over to Susan, placing one arm around his older sister and resisting the urge to run away.

It took hours for the two siblings to finish all the paperwork after their sister passed and they sent her friends home a head. Susan stepped out of the room to get a soda just before an orderly entered with a white plastic bag. He handed it to Michael before pulling a blood stained paper from his pocket.

"We're not sure how she found the energy, sir." He said as Michael stared at the folded paper now in his hand. "But your sister wrote this while she was here. One of the nurses said she pulled the paper from her shirt pocket when they brought her in, that she wouldn't let them take it from her hand. I guess she finished it here because the nurse swore less was written on it before."

After he left the room Michael couldn't bring himself to unfold the paper. He stuffed it into a pocket of his blue uniform and waited for Susan outside the door. It was only the next day when he noticed that Haruka had written an M across the folded paper, and being her brother he'd assumed it was for him. He assumed that for a long time but never opened it.

End flash back 

"Susan found it in my desk the other day, she was helping me move." Michael pulled the paper from his coat pocket and offered it to Michiru. On the surface was the large shaky M and she took note of the brown stain of dried blood spattering the paper. She looked at him with confusion until he weakly smiled. "I'm sorry, Susan opened it and told me it was meant for you. She said it wasn't addressed exactly but in some indirect way it was written to you."

"What's inside?" Michiru asked in a barely audible whisper as she held the old paper gently.

"I have no idea, I never had the courage to read it." The older man stood and stretched before holding a hand out to shake hers. She took it mechanically and did as he did. "Good-bye Michiru, I think this is the last time we'll ever meet."

"Good-bye, Michael." She watched mutely as he strode away and listened as the door opened and shut behind him. Once he was gone her attention was back upon the paper. With shaking hands she gently unfolded the paper, but it was much longer before her eyes could focus on the words. It appeared to be one of the unstructured and random poems Haruka wrote when she was extremely upset.

_Never felt so weak,_

_Never lacked so much sleep,_

_Days come and go,_

_I just sit in my little hole,_

_Blades of steel,_

_Cold metal gleaming in the moonlight,_

_It'd be so simple to end it all tonight,_

Here the ink color changed and the writing became very messy, some of the letters smeared a bit with blood.

_Hope someday you'll forgive me,_

_My dear friends,_

_Wash this blood from my hands,_

_Wash this life from my mind,_

_I will never again see the light,_

_I may burn in hell's fire,_

_Or wander this house for a thousand years,_

_Anything is better than here!_

_Now the black is closing in,_

_My pain over as yours begins,_

_Good-bye dear Angel,_

_I wish you well,_

_Please forgive me leaving,_

_For this vacation in hell._

"I already forgave you, Haruka." Michiru whispered as she brushed a tear from her cheek. She smiled sadly and let her eyes fall again on one of the names Haruka had called her. "I'm no angel, love."

"Are you so sure?" Asked a quiet voice from the corner of the kitchen. Michiru spun to face the person, standing as she did and peering into the red rays of the dieing sun. She could make out a tall figure that seemed to gain in solidity as the light died. Waiting for the sun to finally set the young woman gasped at what she saw. There, in her kitchen, stood a translucent Haruka. "You look like you've seen a ghost."

Michiru didn't answer the comment instead she turned and walked from the kitchen to the stairs. She was surprised when the apparition was waiting at the top of the stairs. She walked past the translucent blonde and into her room, lying quickly on the bed as if to sleep.

"What are you doing Michiru?" Haruka quirked one ghostly eyebrow as she watched the shorter woman.

"Stop talking to me, you are a figment of my imagination and I am having some sort of midlife crisis." Michiru's muffled reply made Haruka smirk.

"You aren't forty, Angel." Haruka corrected the woman.

"I'm over you, don't haunt me like this again." Michiru commanded from her spot beneath the pillow.

"I'm sorry, dear, I didn't know you'd moved on."

"I meant your death, and its memories." Michiru sat up and threw her pillow at Haruka in frustration. Both watched dumbly as it passed through the blonde and struck the wall. Michiru raised an eyebrow and looked up at those teal eyes. "See, you aren't really here."

"Michiru, please listen." Haruka waited until the still slightly disturbed young woman nodded. "I'm not sure why I appeared here tonight but I am real. Well as real as I can be with out a body."

"Tonight? Whom do you normally appear to?" Michiru raised an eyebrow.

"No one, I just stand in my crypt all night." Haruka shook her head. "I refuse to leave until you do, I made that mistake once already."

"Oh my god, you are real aren't you?" Michiru's eyes were wide as she became sleepy. She didn't notice when her eyes did begin to droop, or when she fell asleep, only that the Haruka standing by the wall was no longer translucent. "What just happened?"

"You fell a sleep." Haruka smiled and held out her hand. "I didn't know I was such a bore."

Michiru carefully reached for her hand and was shocked when it felt as real as her own. Yes, she was definitely asleep now. With a shy smile Michiru decided that, breakdown or not, dream or reality, she was not going to waste this time. She reached up and wrapped her arms around the blonde's neck and played with the hair on the back of her neck.

"I'm sorry, Michi. I didn't do any of it to hurt you." Haruka would have said more but a finger gently touched her lips. She stopped and was surprised when Michiru grabbed her collar and pulled her into a sudden and deep kiss. When they broke Michiru buried her head in Haruka's chest.

"We both made mistakes, mine was not acting on how I felt until that night." Michiru muttered. "God I miss you."

"I know, and I miss you too."

Michiru woke the next morning and was fully convinced that it had been nothing but a dream. She stretch but froze when she saw the blood stained paper on her nightstand. 'Was it a nightmare?' She asked herself as she walked over the window and watched people drive by.

"I'll see you again someday, Haruka." Michiru whispered, unaware of the reflection of Haruka standing behind her in the glass. "I love you."

**AN**

The poem, written tonight, kind of inspired this. Thank you for reading, and thank you to those who reviewed "Coward's Way Out".


End file.
